STAY CONNECTED WITH YOUR CHANGING CHILD

Feb 2012 ActiveKids Directory Bay Area, CA USA www.activekidsdirectory.com

Pre-teen hormones, teenage angst, your own nightmares about what may happen in a few years; Look around to other families with very difficult teens, heartbreak, distress, or even worse. The heart of a young family can be gripped with fear just thinking about what may be ahead.

Now there is hope! Your Stay Connected Challenge™ will equip you with new ideas, tools and resources to allow you to think, feel and be confident that your family can navigate the turbulent waters ahead. Only one warning – START NOW WHILE YOUR CHILDREN ARE SMALL. DO NO NOT WAIT. Ok, let’s get started. As your own personal Family Coach I will offer you a start today; a place to begin a wonderful journey of deep and lasting connection.

YOUR CHANGING ROLE

Being a parent is a lifelong commitment that begins with the birth of a child and lasts through all developmental as well as chronological phases of life. We don’t stop “parenting” when our kids turn eighteen. As our children change and grow, what do we as parents do to evolve with them? We can't stand still and sit by and watch our kids change and not attend to our own evolution as a parent.

The Stay Connected Challenge™ gives you an opportunity to grow, reach for new learning and stretch – right along side your changing child and …yes even the inevitable…your evolving …(gulp!) teenager. While the primary relationship remains the same, your role needs to change for you the parent, as your child develops. Imagine yourself passing through three distinct phases, or parenting roles, over the course of the first twenty years of your child's life:

Parenting Your Child from 0 to 20 Years

0 ------- 6                              7 ------- 12                               13 ------ 20

   Parent as Teacher            Parent as Administrator              Parent as Coach

Parent as Teacher

Think of your first role during the formative years of the young child (approximately 0-6 years) as PARENT-TEACHER. You are your child's first contact with mental and physical learning. You literally spend thousands of hours together in day-to-day activities, feeding, rocking, reading, and playing. It is a time of physical intensity in response to the child's need. It is a time of nurturing and teaching.

Parent as Administrator

At about six or seven years of age, the mental transition from "learning to read" to "reading to learn" has occurred, and the child can begin to absorb information independently. In the middle years (roughly 7-12), your child begins to initiate activities and create social groups, and needs an adult to help organize events and provide transportation, among many other supportive functions. Without completely abandoning your role as parent-teacher, you take on the additional role of PARENT-ADMINISTRATOR-managing your child's schedule and enabling him to explore his growing interests.

Parent as Coach

In the early teen years, a child's intellectual process expands with new capability for abstract thought. As your child begins to manage her own scheduling and decision

making, you may be fired from your role as administrator on the spot. Then what? Your job as parent goes on, but the role you play must change. At this point, you must make a conscious decision: Continue to monitor homework, nag about picking up clothes, meet your teen's silence with your frustration-or accept nature's changes and take on the role of PARENT-COACH.

ACTION STEPS TO TAKE NOW!

1. Assess where your child is and where you are on the child and parent continuum. Any “Aha Moments?” Then imaging your darling little one as a pre-teen. Now go one step further and imagine your child looking eye to eye with you as a teenager. Take a breath and decide on your intention to stay connected in a positive way throughout each phase. Never ever again speak of the “dreaded teen years.” Speak of them with confidence and positive anticipation.
2. Empower your children to stay connected with you, by replacing “I am proud of you” with “I respect you….for your (fill in the quality, not the behavior or accomplishment.” Introducing the word “respect” into your day to day family vocabulary has proven to create lasting….well….respectful communication. This will slowly introduce an easy “parent as coach” warm up that you will build on as your child grows.
3. Cut out and Tape the poem, “A Message to Parents” to your wall or refrigerator in the kitchen as thousands of families around the world have done.  Stay connected until we meet up again here next month for more ideas about Staying Connected!

ONWARD!

• 4:30 - 6:00 pm eastern
• 8-Wednesdays for 90 minutes

LISTEN TO BODY LANGUAGE... it can teach you a lot!

I invite you to...

Create awareness right now about your own body and how you are feeling, where you are reading this, etc. Now - what are you projecting that others are listening to?  This is a good start.

Take a Beginning Step: Now notice your family members. What is their body language saying? Are they feeling down and cannot say it? Do they need privacy and need to be alone and not talk for a while? Are they hiding under the hooded jacket out of fear?

Take an Intermediate Step: Start noticing body language everywhere - posture especially. What are you learning about yourself?

Take an Advanced Step:

http://www.nlpcoaching.com/NLP_Communication_Model.pdf

Body language can be further studied by learning about Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Here is a link to introduce you to the basics. Google NLP for more learning.

Why Do It?

In a study of communication at the University of Pennsylvania in 1970 (Kinesics and Communication, R. Birdwhistle), the researchers determined that in communication, 7% of what we communicate is the result of the words that we say, or the content of our communication. 38% of our communication to others is a result of our verbal behavior, which includes tone of voice, timbre, tempo, and volume. 55% of our communication to others is a result of our non-verbal communication-- our body posture, breathing, skin color and our movement. The match between our verbal and non-verbal communication indicates the level of congruency in what we are attempting to communicate.  Can you work at becoming more congruent?

How To Use This Tip:

Body language is a whole science. Just to start your new awareness, start paying attention to it everywhere.

This Week's Success Story:

From one dad who is learning...

I have been practicing RESPECT and LISTENING deeply in most cases with GREAT results: more interesting conversations, more lively, less of me and more of the TEENS. I have found it takes reprogramming your mind and heart, daily recommitment, and you need to catch yourself preparing to speak negatively and redirect for the positive. Since we are never "finished" as parents, adults, workers, husbands, etc.  I have also expanded your teaching/guidance to "my contacts beyond teens" to help me in reprogramming myself because practice makes perfect and because the TEENS are the most challenging. I am getting tons of practice with everyone I come in contact with. As a daily reminder I have put Parent as Coach on my daily planner and it helps remind me every time I look at it to be respectful, be positive, be a good listener and brighten up someone's day. God bless you and thanks for the lifetime lesson. P.S.: My wife and kids and co-workers are grateful.

Frank George, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, USA

Click Here to send us your success story about how using this new practice is improving your life.